Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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