You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
