i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
