Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
