I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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