jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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