you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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