NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
