Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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