If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
