God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
