So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
