seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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