best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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