it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
