you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
