Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
