You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
