The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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