Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
