someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
