just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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