i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
