I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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