This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize