You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
