come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
