Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
