maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
