I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
