he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
