wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think i have two assholes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
