so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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