im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize