I wanna bring you to show and tell
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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