david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize