I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
