Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
