Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
