ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
