I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex on a roof
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
