he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
