First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
