I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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