I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
