Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
