Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Text me some of your sweat
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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