like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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