I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
