I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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