It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
