the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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