I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
