I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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