A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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