9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
