if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
