i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
