he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
