i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
