Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
