wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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