when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
