so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
