how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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