Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
