grandma shit on top of the toilet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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