i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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