Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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