you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
