I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
