You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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