mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I bet he comes in French.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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