I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
