Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
