She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
