a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
