i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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