Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
