i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Be still, my beating vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
