if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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