WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
