TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
