Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
