It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
