So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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