mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
