No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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