Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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