They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
