Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
