It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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