good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
