Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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