I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
