just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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