U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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