tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
